A Love Letter to My Husband

Marriage Monday

This post is a part of Marriage Monday.  If you want to read more letters, please go here.

just starting out

To my Honey,

It’s Marriage Monday on Chrysalis, and the call for submissions asks you to write a love letter to your husband.  I think it’s always good to think about the reasons that I love you, so that is exactly what I am going to do.

I suppose it’s a good idea to start at the beginning and say what attracted me to you.  The first thing was your smile.  I was 19 at the time, and a guy’s smile always seemed to precede his wanting something, but you didn’t appear to want anything but my company.  That was a novel idea at the time!

The second thing was that you seemed to value the real me.  Guys I met up until that time took a look at all six-foot of me and saw a basketball player (which I am not).  You saw me.  You didn’t criticize when I couldn’t play billiards.  You went on and found something that I could do.  I think that built an element of teamwork into our marriage early on.

Movies and books often portray “love at first sight,” and while I think I started to love  you when I first saw you,  it wasn’t a falling.  It was more of a drawing in, like a plant is grafted to another to make it stronger. It took time.  I don’t know if, during that time I was learning to trust or actually learning to believe that this was what love was, the making of one person out of two.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe that our beginning was almost thirty-five years ago.  As you told me this morning when I dressed for school, what you see when you look at me is the young woman that you dated.  It’s the same for me.  I know when I look at our pictures that you have changed, but when I look at your smile, I see the young man with whom I fell in love.

That is not to say that all of our lives have been easy.  We have had our dark times, and I thank God that He has brought us through them.  There was your brother’s death.  Unemployment.  Raising two children, which seems easy looking back but certainly had its hurdles.  And then there was the move, which took us out of our comfort zones , but it was necessary so that we could grow.

And grow we did.  The move allowed you to exercise talents that the old job did not.  And I?  I learned to do things out of love for you and not merely because they needed done.  Then came illness, and you showed me how you interpreted “in sickness and in health.”  It’s very humbling to need help even getting out of bed.  You anticipated my needs and never once complained. I had to learn how to receive, and how blessed I am that you were there to give.

Now we are on the downside of the hill, so to speak.  Our nest is empty.  You are retired.  I know I fought that a bit.  My excuse is that it was unknown territory.  I was concerned about the fixed income and the big cut to what that income was.  God has been good to us though, hasn’t he?  It’s been two and a half years now, and we have enough. I wondered, too, how a man who worked 80+ hours a week could slow down and be happy, but you found things to do. Habitat.  The Gideons.  Bible study at church and doing taxes for AARP.  I didn’t have to worry after all.  You found activities that fulfilled you, and my reward was seeing the smile with which you won my heart in the first place return.

Now we wonder how to descend this “hill,” just as we had to look for ways to climb it.  Should we move?  Be closer to the kids?  Have a smaller house with a smaller yard?  (We’ll get the leaves done soon, my sweet).How full should our schedules be?  How will our lives change if my handicap worsens?

I’m not as afraid as I thought I would be.  I discovered, here in Indiana, the deep faith in God that you have.  I remember the car accident that sent you back to church more than thirty years ago, and you’ve been faithful in attending ever since.  You are a quiet man, and I have learned that I have to listen for your spiritual insights.  They are worth waiting for.  I still smile when I remember how it took you 50 miles to answer a question that I asked.  Fortunately, in that case God gave me ears that actually listened.  I hope I never forget that lesson.

So we move forward, you and I.  We keep our eyes not on material gain but on that final goal the Bible says we’ll attain.  Heaven!  We know it’s in our future.  We just don’t know how far. away it is.  We are of an age when our friends  are getting cancer and dying.  We know that, but for the grace of God, the same thing could happen to us.

However God shapes our lives from here on, I am thankful to have you by my side.  I am learning more and more to treasure each day  that we have together.  The Bible says it isn’t good for man to be alone.  I am grateful that in His wisdom, to ease your loneliness, God sent you to me.  I remain yours for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health , as long as we both shall live.

With much love,

Your B

anniversary 2 5x7


6 Responses to “A Love Letter to My Husband”

  1. 1 e-Mom November 2, 2009 at 8:36 pm

    What a beautiful, wonderful, poignant letter. I’m honored you have shared your honest thoughts and feelings with us today.

    You two are just precious! I can relate to so much of your experience, although we are not retired. Empty nesting is a new mountain to climb, but it feels like a decent too, as you suggested.

    This was so well-said: “While I think I started to love you when I first saw you, it wasn’t a falling. It was more of a drawing in, like a plant is grafted to another to make it stronger. It took time.”

    Bless you, and thank you for joining us for Marriage Monday today.

    e-Mom @ Chrysalis

  2. 2 Melanie November 2, 2009 at 9:27 pm

    What a BEAUTIFUL letter! I love reading the words and thoughts of those on the “downside of the hill” who are still so very much in love with each other. Your love for your husband is clearly evident in your writing. I’ve known my husband “only” 16 yrs (married 12 of them), and, just like you, when I look at him, I see the 19 yr old I fell in love with when I was 18.

    Thank you so much for your post! I truly enjoyed it!

  3. 3 Denise November 3, 2009 at 9:42 am

    Thanks for sharing your heart, so touching.

  4. 4 The Nephew November 3, 2009 at 10:44 am

    What a beautiful letter!

  5. 5 Heather Twitchell November 3, 2009 at 10:54 am

    What a great letter/ story! God is so great isn’t He!??!

    Sweet Blessings,

  6. 6 Carol November 7, 2009 at 1:46 am

    Hi Becky,

    I enjoyed reading this wonderful, well written letter to your husband. It’s neat when you can see the blessings of God through every stage of your life. Thanks for what you shared here.


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