Marriage Monday:Friendship in Christian Marriage


This post is part of Marriage Monday, hosted by Chrysalis.  To read more about friendship in Christian Marriage, go here.

When my husband and I had not been married very long at all,  I made a  important discovery: things worked better if I went where he was.  It was not an aha moment.  It was more of a thump on the head.

In order to de-stress, the hubby liked (and still likes) to go to his shed and putter.  I am the daughter of a teacher who did logic puzzles to de-stress, so I didn’ t get that right away.  After I got upset–several times– that he was outside puttering and the kids and I were inside, I wandered out to tell him of my distress.  He wasn’t even thirty yet but, wise man that he is, he explained to me that he needed to do what he was doing, that it helped him think  and it made him a nicer person.  His suggestion was that I bring the kids and come outside with him.  We had seven acres at the time.  It wasn’t as if there wasn’t anything to do.

I listened to him–rather ungracefully at first–and found that I really enjoyed the things that we did together outside.  We had a woodburner, so we cut and stacked wood.  One time, we spent our anniversary cutting wood and when the receptionist at the dentist found out, she yelled at the hubby for not doing something romantic.  Cutting wood was romantic. It was even my idea. The kids were in school, so it was just the two of us.  He cut and I carried. We were in alone in the woods, and his attention was all mine.

Another thing that brings the hubby and I together, although maybe a bit less so in this day of cell phones, is to take a drive.  Again, we are alone, and his attention (more or less) is all mine.  I have had to learn am still learning that just because he doesn’t answer me right away when I am babbling in the car doesn’t mean he doesn’t hear me.  Recently, I asked him a question when we were driving through Defiance, Ohio, and he answered me around Ft. Wayne, Indiana, some forty miles later.  I had moved through ten other topics by then, so it took me a minute to realize that he was answering me, but then I was touched.  His answer was carefully considered, not something off the cuff.

We no longer have a wood-burning stove, so we have turned to other things to do together.  We walk regularly.  We bike-ride.  We’re thinking about dancing lessons.  Now when the hubby has a project in his shed, you might find me out there reading him a novel.  We do the USA TODAY puzzles on the Internet.   It goes without saying, I hope, that we go to church and Sunday School together.

Before I even started this post, I asked the hubby to list what some of the things were that we did that brought us together, and his list was pretty much the same as mine.  We’ve been married thirty-one years now, not three, and have had to deal with the changing shape of our lives.  If we figure out an activity isn’t working anymore, we look for another. But we look. We change.   You can’t know somebody unless you spend time with them, and knowing each other is what marriage is all about.


4 Responses to “Marriage Monday:Friendship in Christian Marriage”

  1. 1 Denise April 6, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    Such a very sweet post.

  2. 2 Susan April 6, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    Thanks for sharing today. You sound like a “wise woman” indeed.

    You both enjoy spending time together, and that is all that matters, not so much what you do!

    I’ve “heard” dancing lessons is really fun.

    Blessings to you♥

  3. 3 e-Mom April 7, 2009 at 2:02 am

    This is an incredible post… no wonder you’ve been married for 30 years! You’ve learned some important “secrets” of friendship from a husband’s point of view. I’m sure he loves you very much.

    Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today, Becky! :~D

  4. 4 Andrea April 7, 2009 at 3:10 pm

    I enjoyed your post very much.

    We sometimes need to step out of our comfort zones and into the zone of our husbands. Every time I do, I find something wonderful there. I love the anniversary woodcutting story…what a unique and special way to enjoy such an important day. I think you’ll remember that one forever!

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’m praying that my hubby and I can get to where you and your hubby are. 30+ years…what a blessing!

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