No! You Shouldn’t! And This Is Why.

Just before school let out for Christmas vacation, there were a lot of pregnant people around. Some of them were students. Many of the students that have babies, at least in my high school, don’t come back to school. Nevertheless, all of the girls and some of the boys seem to think the baby thing is pretty cool. One senior boy even felt obligated to share too much information and inform me that he would be a daddy twice in the next six months. Obviously by two different young women.

The boys are pretty quick in saying derogatory things about girls who are “easy.” Life hasn’t changed much in that respect since I was a teenager and, for that matter, probably long before me. But it does seem that premarital activity hardly raises an eyebrow anymore. And while I am not sure that the shunning of unwed moms that took place when I was growing up was the way to go, it saddens me to think that we have accepted premarital sex as the norm.

My daughter shared with me recently that someone actually asked her what her parents thought about premarital sex. After she sputtered for a second, she says that her response was, “I’m pretty sure they don’t approve!” The daughter knows this because that is what her father and I told her when she was growing up. She knew we weren’t perfect. And she knew we didn’t want her to hurt from mistakes that she could avoid.

I used to argue with one of my friends in Ohio over the way we instructed our kids. She told her kids that if they had sex, they should do it responsibly. We told ours NOT to do it. She thought that was saying to them that they couldn’t come to us about sexual issues. Not so. We just didn’t want our kids to hear any mixed messages from us. And that leads me to what we told the kids. Other people might have better ideas. These were just my husband’s and mine. I am going to follow the format, sort of, of the five paragraph essay. It saves your strongest reason for last. So bear with me. I’ll get there.

1. Dad and I don’t think you should have sex outside of marriage because there are a whole lot of STDs out there, way more than there were when we were growing up. And, when we were growing up, what was there was curable by a shot of penicillin. That’s not so any more. If you get an STD, you may suffer with it for the rest of your life. We don’t want you to suffer.

2. Disease is only one way you could suffer. Dad and I have personally known people who lived together for a long time and then, when they decided to get married, the marriage failed. I can’t really tell you why that is. Besides, are the rules for living together what you want in a marriage? Do you want to be married to someone who keeps his finances separate from yours? That’s what seems to happen when people live together. And do you want to be married to someone who keeps a good portion of his life separate from yours? That seems to happen, too.

3. Dad and I think that God made sex to unite people in more than a physical way. That’s why, we think, God wanted it protected in marriage. The Bible says, in Hebrews 13:4 that “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” We haven’t found one Bible verse that says God is in favor of sex outside of marriage. And we don’t think that God makes this rule because He wants to spoil your fun. We think He wants to protect you from being hurt. Because He loves you. But you already knew that, didn’t you?

Those were the reasons we gave our children not to have sex outside of marriage. I can’t say for sure, but I think we had “the talk” when they were in junior high. I heard on my local Christian radio station that kids are now engaging in behaviors that put then at risk by the age of twelve, so maybe “the talk” should happen sooner nowadays. I don’t know.

In a way, I am sort of glad that my children are now adults and I don’t have to worry about these things. But then there are the grandsons, and what if their grandpa or I are the ones that are around when they have questions? (Maybe I had better talk to the son and daughter-in-law about that.) But, if we are the people they ask, I know how we will start the conversation. It’ll be something like this: “We don’t want you to have sex outside of marriage because God says not to, and He loves you even more than we do.”

Such things, I think, do actually need to be said.  I guess I’ll start praying now that those we need to tell will be able to hear us.

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3 Responses to “No! You Shouldn’t! And This Is Why.”


  1. 1 writeathome January 5, 2007 at 9:32 pm

    Becky, you did a great job outlining your reasons not to engage in premarital sex, and I agree with you totally. I remember teaching 12-15 year old girls two years ago at a Jr. Camp on keeping themselves pure. A lot of them came up to me afterwards and thanked me, and they wanted to get a closer look at my preserved wedding dress that I brought with me.(a symbol of purity) I’m glad there are still people who believe in saving sex for marriage.

  2. 2 Maria Toth January 6, 2007 at 2:38 pm

    Wow! Life can be hard for the kids!
    Every blessing
    Maria in the UK
    http://www.inhishands.co.uk

  3. 3 Becky January 6, 2007 at 4:03 pm

    Thanks for your comments, Carol. I am glad to hear that there are people out there teaching kids to be pure. I am not aware of our church doing so. Taking your wedding dress was a really good idea!

    And Maria, I agree with you. Life IS hard for kids today. There really isn’t a lot that is forbidden to them, and as a result, I think, they do adult things way before they are adults, and the results are disastrous.


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