Wasting My Half Day

I get half a day off of school today. I call my husband as soon as I leave. (I usually call him at lunch). To my surprise, he suggests that I meet him in Wabash for lunch. In the middle of a busy day for him? I go, but he has to leave almost as soon as I arrive. The tie gang supervisor is screaming for more ties.

He does have time to tell me how ridiculous his day has been. Production season is always that way. He has to provide materials for the tie and rail gangs, and they don't worry about quality, they just stick things in. He is supposed to spend all of his time with the tie gang, but he has meeting he has to attend to the north of his territory. He has to high-rail with the division engineer. And they are going to Sperry test five miles of rail that the rail gang is going to take out anyway to see if it is good enough to be recycled. Once they do that, if there are any defects, they must be fixed. Before the rail is removed. To be reused somewhere else. Doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?

My husband and I have a standing joke that he had better get out his Superman cape when the going gets tough. It's been tough a lot lately. I peer over his shoulder and he smiles, briefly. He knows what I am "looking" at.

"It's still there," he says, "flapping in the breeze. Feels like it's a little tattered, though."

I do know. What lies unspoken between us is that tomorrow he has an appointment with a heart specialist. No, he is not having heart symptoms of any sort, but his blood work shows evidence of inflammation. Personally, I think he has inflammation because of osteoarthritis in his knees, but of course he won't go to the doctor for that. He doesn't want to go to the doctor tomorrow. But he will if I remind him because he doesn't want me to worry.

And worry I do, though I know it is best to leave things in God's hands. For that reason, I stop at Paradise Spring Park to walk. It is a quiet park, so it is relaxing. I have forgotten to take my heavy coat,and the wind is brisk. No head covering or gloves either. My hands and ears are numb by the time I am done.

But I need the walk. I need to talk to God, who loves Ron more than I do, to tell Him that I don't want to lose my husband. That I realize our time on earth is in His hands. These things are hard for me to say. I don't think what is going on with my husband is life-threatening, but I do think it may require lifestyle changes for him. For both of us. Changes that will be hard because he is just too busy. Because there are some things he doesn't want to face.

I feel calmer when my walk is over, although a neck ache remains as the consequence of my worry. I go home, but I am undirected. Cooking and cleaning house do not look important at the moment. I flit from one task to another and accomplish little. By 4PM, all I have done is put away the groceries and take care of some phone messages that I have delayed.

In the meantime, though, I pray. That God's will be done. That we will adjust. That my husband will remember the appointment. Minor things, really. But they are important to me.

Although in terms of my "to do"list I have accomplished very little, I feel better for what I have done. I feel calm. As I go about my chores, I realize that my prayer has been reduced to this:"Please, God, let him be OK."

The second half of James 5:16 says that "the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" in the NIV.  I like the way the old King James says it better: " the fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." I don't know how righteous I am, but I know that I am fervent.

I know he's yours, God. And I try to value every day we have. Please let him be OK.


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