The daughter called me a week or so ago, in agonizing pain in her … toe. She is like the Energizer Bunny and keeps going with her three jobs no matter what, so I knew the fact that this pain stopped her meant it was bad. We prayed, she went to the doctor and had the requisite blood tests, they came back negative, we breathed a sigh of relief. Her pain abated somewhat.
Today she came home to find a message from her family doctor stating that despite the negative blood tests, he thinks her problem is rheumatoid arthritis. She is afraid of what this will bring because she has seen what the disease has done to me. Besides…the child works on her feet. What does this bode for her future?
I have watched this daughter survive an abusive marriage and come back to Christ with a joy that her father and I haven’t seen in her in years. She knows that God is in control and so do I, but right now all I want to do is cry out to God and say, “WHY? I know You are in control, but this is my baby here you are talking. WHY?”
Not quite two weeks ago, the hubby and I were in Ohio to celebrate the daughter’s birthday with her. We went to church and were distracted during the service, although we didn’t compare notes until later, by the same impression, which was, “Let her go and let Me have her.”
I have to admit that I did argue during that service. I told God I thought we had had this discussion earlier in the year and that I had let go. Hmmm… the impression didn’t end, so I figured that I hadn’t let go enough. Then what I heard was that if she wanted to go overseas to work I had to let her. She had been talking about teaching English as a second language in Morocco. And if she wasn’t going to get married right now or ever, I had to be OK with that, too. I had to be OK with the fact that her Heavenly Father loves her best.
I know this message is right because the hubby had similar impressions. His must have been strong for him to mention them to me. Was that a, I don’t know, foreshadowing of this diagnosis? I don’t know. It was, however, way too strong to ignore.
Of all the things I ever wanted to pass on to the daughter, rheumatoid arthritis would not be it. Yet I think that the message her daddy and I got in her church that day was that, whatever happened, her Heavenly Father is in control of it. I know that not everyone has the problems with RA that I have. I know that it can go into remission. I know that I serve a big God, one who can heal her. But I don’t know what’s going to happen next. And neither does she.
I have a special burden for this child of mine because she no longer lives in my house and she doesn’t have a husband to protect her. She has Jesus, though, and I am asking for prayer that she will rest in Him during this time. His plans are to prosper her and not to harm her. I am praying that her belief in that will be unwavering.
