Dysfunction, Conviction

Our pastor assures me that it is normal for family problems to show up in times of stress. Like at funerals. That was actually reassuring because it sure did show up in mine along with the death of my sister. But I do have to tell you that, although I was mightily tempted to throw things at several members of my family, I did grow to have new appreciation for them.

God brought me under conviction during that week that I had a poor attitude about at least one family member. And while I didn’t handle things right away, I am beginning to face the fact that I was, well…judgmental. And I shouldn’t have been. I don’t know how, as a human being, you HELP being judgmental sometimes, but there does come a time when you have to deal. So I have begun to. I think.

The fact of the matter is that if somebody in your family has chosen not to be around for big family moments–for years–and then decides that they want to be, you should let them. And, I think, you should recognize the effort. I am old enough to know that you are never too old to turn over a new leaf. And maybe, when you try to, you deserve some encouragement. Besides–it’s not as if I haven’t made my own mistakes.

And if the young people in the family ask annoying and hard to answer questions at a time like this, maybe you should be grateful that they are asking and paying attention, even if the questions make you uncomfortable. Maybe they are asking so that they can avoid the mistakes they have seen their elders–like you–make.

I hate it in a way when God convicts me that I have been wrong. I tend to think of myself as a nice and mostly fair person. HOWEVER…evidently Somebody thinks I need some work in that direction. That Somebody seems to think that I need to be more like Him. And that my sister’s death was a good opportunity to bring that to my attention.

I would have to say that there are probably a lot of good things that came out of the family gathering to celebrate my sister’s life. And not the least of it, for me, was to remember that I need to appreciate the family that I have left. NOW. While I still have them. Although the conviction that I was under was uncomfortable at a time when I already was uncomfortable, if it leads to my being more like Jesus, it is all for the good.

And I am grateful.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.–Romans8:28